We can instantly guess at least one connection between an onion and a psychologist – the free flowing tears. There can be other interesting similarities. Peeling off layers, the touch of health, their wide usefulness and the list can go on.
Tears and therapists can be an interesting topic to discuss. It is well known that Hollywood’s portrayal of therapy sessions with so-called “shrinks” can be overly theatrical, wildly funny, emotionally charged and sarcastic. The drama, though unrealistic at times, helps draw us closer to the characters and their emotions. The images of sharp shrinks, fancy couches, waiting room drama might have at least remotely helped the world normalise therapy. In the real world, though, our nagging life problems and any little ensuing drama may be entertaining or emotional only to us and hence we may need to own up and take care of ourselves.
The research on whether getting emotional is ‘a sign of healing and recovery’ or ‘common phenomenon’ or ‘a cliché with very little truth’, throws some interesting answers. The study involving discrete crying segments of 52 patients taking psychotherapy at a New York University-based clinic in 2013 did not show a significant relation between crying during therapy and the actual recovery. Another study from Spain in 2012 at a family therapy center found that crying was more frequent during the first session. Interestingly, the proportion of criers was much higher among those who completed therapy indicating that criers tend to complete their therapy, and in almost all cases criers found the therapist to be a very kind person indicting that an empathetic expert can trigger deeper and hidden emotions. Studies also showed that most psychologists encourage the criers and use a combination of interpreting inhibitions, if any, and providing active support during the breakdown. Many studies also showed that crying behavior helps the therapist create a safe, warm, and welcoming relationship with client. As the research is very limited in this field, most studies ended up recommending comprehensive research around this intriguing but poorly understood human behavior.
Firstly, we should acknowledge that it is not easy to make people cry especially if they fall under certain style of attachment pattern. This group constitutes a significant chunk of the population and the attachment styles are also greatly influenced by society and its culture. Secondly, being emotionally charged depends on the type of problem and the therapeutic goals. And thirdly – it is contingent upon the level of commitment of the client and therapist in the journey. While it is simple logic that crying is a result of breaking a sealed box full of vulnerable moments of our life, the skill of a calm and non-emotive expert in breaking the defenses cannot be understated.
Crying during psychotherapy not only indicates the beginning of a good partnership but also the ability of an individual to work on improving one’s life in the face of throbbing pain of re-opening entrenched wounds. While it is an established fact that weeping can be liberating, it doesn’t automatically demonstrate the success of the process as it must be accompanied by the clinical correction of errors in the thought processes, behaviors or long-nurtured negative belief systems. Interestingly, there is no need to worry if therapy sessions are not emotionally charged so long as there is no strong inhibition of crying.
Funny or not funny, useful or not, right time or wrong time, a flood of tears, especially during intense therapy sessions, can be a long-awaited blessing. Evading therapy due to fear of uncontrollable emotions is, well, not very different from avoiding onions due to the fear of tears. I know this is too silly an analogy, but I still find it amusing that tears can sometimes be due to outrageous prices, whether of onions or of therapists. But we can breathe easy as we know prices can go down either due to market related reasons in case of onions or due to finding the right solution for the difficulty, in case of therapy.
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